i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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