All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
