New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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