hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
