I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
