Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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