When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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