I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
