I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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