My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
