just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
