Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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