the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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