I'm lost and stupid without you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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