note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
