I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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