ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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