she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
