I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
