She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize