Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
