The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
