Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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