Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
