So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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