what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just invented taco cereal.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
