roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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