I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ttyl tear gas
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
