I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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