There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
