I haven't been this sober since birth.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
