How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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