it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
