Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
