24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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