can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
