i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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