I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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