Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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