dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
