He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
