I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
