Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you win again, gameday.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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