It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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