I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
