i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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