Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
