Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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