cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
