She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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