Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
