I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
where are my eyebrows?
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