I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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