so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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