dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
