A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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