Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
