Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
