There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
