He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
