Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
